I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
