When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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