Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Everything about him screamed your future.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
