Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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