HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
