maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
