In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
