Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
