Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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