I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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