Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
