hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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