She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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