I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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