are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
