And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
