I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
