this beer tastes like vomit already
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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