No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
