OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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