I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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