Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
