It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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