So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
