Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
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He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
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You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.