Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating