I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
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My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
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I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.