Writing my paper on freud at bar
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..