I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on