she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
