I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
