i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I don't think brook has ever known best
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
