the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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