You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
