I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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