I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
