I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
