Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Randomize
