mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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