We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
