Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
