I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
