i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize