Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
His hands were made for my vagina.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
