Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
