Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
