I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i think i have herpe
just one?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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