He asked to "fluff my boner.."
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
