Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
