I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
