i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
