We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
