I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
dude. I can hear the air.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
