so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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