I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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