I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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