She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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