toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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