margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
