either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
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