I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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