Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
