Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize