He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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