we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize