He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
