do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
