Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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