the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
