Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize