Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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