i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Vodka?
Forever.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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