there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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