You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
