I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Randomize
