Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
