i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just blew my weed a kiss
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
