3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
