I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize