After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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