goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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