Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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