Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
