her vagina looked like bernie madoff
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
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