i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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