Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
