my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
