if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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