Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
