My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
