Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
