You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
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Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
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We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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