Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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