They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
