I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
