I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Randomize
