Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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