chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
