Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
