Non-Jews are for practice
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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