beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
